Last Chance Hotdogs Before Death

I have died in a blogging accident

2008-01-13T05:32:52Z

sorry guess that means no more posts forever :(

sometimes I wanna yell

2007-12-09T17:20:59Z

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK!

Speed Racer Trailer

2007-12-08T16:00:30Z

When I first heard the matrix guys were directing a movie based on the old speed racer cartoon I was sure it would either be the best or the worst movie ever made.

I am now sure it will be both.

Livejournal names

2007-11-22T06:44:56Z

First it was Ramblings From the Dessert Cart and now it's Last Chance Hot Dogs Before Death. I'm thinking about changing it to Hotel Tango Tango Papa Sierra because I want as few people to get what the reference is as possible and with that I'm down to like 12.

Tech Support

2007-11-02T14:50:20Z

<Redlof> crosma: are you able to view the login page?
<Crosma> For what, Redlog?
<Redlof> when you open your browser, does it load our login page?
<Zeipher> what
<Redlof> or does it give you an error or what?
<Redlof> I need you to open your browser and tell me what happens
<Redlof> what operating system are you using?
<Redlof> ...
<Redlof> hello?
<Zeipher> HI!!!
<Zeipher> HELLO!!!
<Redlof> have you tried opening your browser?
<Crosma> Our login page?
<Crosma> You mean, Imhostfu.com? (ed's note: note safe for work)
<Redlof> no
<Crosma> I don't know what you mean then, Redlog!
<Redlof> it should automatically redirect to our login page if you're connected to our network
<Crosma> :O
<Crosma> You just blew my mind.
<Redlof> if it's loading something else that's probably just a copy of your homepage from your computer's memory
<Redlof> or you're connected to the wrong network
<Crosma> How do I connect to the right network?
<Redlof> ok, what operating system are you using?
<Crosma> Slackware Linux 12.
<Redlof> hmm
<Redlof> I'm sorry, we don't really support that
<Redlof> I can give you the information for our network, but I can't walk you through setting it up
<Crosma> I've got Wine. I can run Windows bollocks if that's necessary.
<Crosma> Oh, well that's OK.
<Crosma> I'm sure I can work it out.
<Redlof> well, can you tell me the list of wireless networks that are in range?
<Crosma> Fuck! There's loads!
<Redlof> can you tell me your location?
<Crosma> "wireless", "NETGEAR", "Motorola", "Tompui", "Tondelstrand", "24 Carinthia", "Dave", "PRIAG".
<Crosma> None of these names are very imaginative.
<Redlof> uh, what city and state are you in?
<Mr_Person> back in my younger days i'd cruise the town logging into routers and changing the SSID to RETARD
<Crosma> Sydney, New South Wales.
<Redlof> one moment please
* Redlof puts crosma on hold
<Redlof> what the hell is this guy talking about?
<Redlof> he says in sydney?
<Crosma> I'm sure I could connect to most of these, Mr_Person.
<Redlof> new south wales?
* Redlof takes crosma off hold
<Redlof> thank you for holding
<Crosma> No, thank you.
<Redlof> I'm sorry, sir. I'm having a little trouble finding your location
<Redlof> are you in a hotel?
<Crosma> No.
<Zeipher> Redlof now you're going to die
<Zeipher> this is the last insult I want to hear from you
<Zeipher> so I will kill you
<Redlof> I'm sorry, it sounds like you're not in one of our supported locations
<Zeipher> PS I love you Redlof don't ever leave me
<Crosma> You service sucks, Redlog.
<Redlof> sorry for the inconvenience, but it looks like there's nothing I can do for you
<Redlof> I don't think we have any hot spots in your location
<Crosma> Hot to trott.
* Crosma is now known as Crosma|busy
<Redlof> thank you for calling

FLIP-FLOP: A game to play with your friends!

2007-10-03T23:55:10Z

For up to two players!

Requirements:

One game board

(Click for full version)

Two coins labeled "set" and "reset"

Rules:

One player is Q and the other player is Q-not. Players take turns one at a time, and during each turn the player must flip both the set and the reset coin. Both set and reset are active on tails. If the set coin is tails, then the player moves ahead one space. If the reset coin it tails then the players must go back to start. If neither coin is tales then there is no change.

The Q-not player must always have the opposite position of the Q player, and vice versa.

The purple area is 7400

The clock is activated when a player goes from a low score to a high score.

Identify all these quotes win a prize

2007-09-02T00:46:51Z

This ain't no Internet, kid. You aren't going to clickity click your mouse out of this one.

Now some people may find you strange, but not me. I respect that.

Yeah well he can push the button labeled "go eat a sack of crap"

Air Jerky™ follows the scientifically proven Flavor Principle™ and follows the path of least resistance--to your mouth!

This is an Invention Machine. Inventors use it to Invent things

Hey bro, I gotta go. Let me through I gotta go number two.

And who can blame them? They walk through asphalt cemeteries. The fashion zombies, they must have been born that way

It ain't easy being white. It ain't easy being brown. All this pressure to be bright. I got children all over town!

I don't need this. My husband has two jobs!

Nonsense. They're bastard coated bastards with bastard filling.

Chili Dog Video Blog

2007-08-12T22:37:43Z

I didn't actually intend to create this but I had a hot dog and there was already a camera set up in my room and it just kind of happened.

Video Blog

2007-08-07T19:59:00Z

Done at the request of my sister.

Not posted to the forums because it's not funny.

Burger King

2007-08-03T02:15:57Z

I am changing my name to monsieur sexy

2007-07-07T20:29:53Z

Taken a few nights ago.

Mr. Osthimer Adventures Part: 4

2007-07-03T17:44:45Z

Mr. Osthimer had just been released from jail for the jillionth time. He was tired of this. He was tired of get arrested all the time for no good reason. Mr. Osthimer was a young African-American and all the cops in town were white. To him it was obvious why they kept sending him to jail. They were all gays. It was the damn gays, always out to get him.

Jeff "Lesbian Gimp" Osthimer was now sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that the gay mafia was out to get him. He knew it was only a matter of time before they put a hit on him so Mr. Osthimer acted fast. He saw a cop on a motorcycle stopped at a red light so he ran over and knocked the cop right to the ground. Mr. Osthimer demanded to know what the cop's connections to the gay mafia were. Apparently cops don't like it when you do that because pretty soon a bunch of other cops showed up and started shooting at Mr. Osthimer. Mr. Osthimer knew he had to get out of there fast, so he jumped on the police motorcycle (the one he knocked the cop off of) and sped off.

Obviously this conspiracy was BIG. The gays controlled the police and probably the entire world. Mr. Osthimer knew he had to do something drastic to stop this, so he rode his motorcycle to the airport. Along the way a bunch of cop cars chased him and tried to knock him off the road but he evaded them with ease.

There were a bunch of airplanes at the airport, but they were all too sissy looking for a bad ass like Mr. Osthimer to make his last stand in, so he stole a helicopter and flew over to the nearby naval base where an aircraft carrier was docked. He landed on the air craft carrier but to his surprise instead of the gay mafia, the gay FBI was there waiting for him! Mr. Osthimer took them all out with his ak-47 before he saw the object he came there for: A military fighter jet.

Mr. Osthimer climbed into the fighter jet and took off. He had no problems figuring out how to fly it even though the instructions were only on the screen for like half a second. He took off at super sonic speed and headed off toward the gay side of town. (You know what I'm talking about. It's that neighbor hood where all the buildings are purple and there's rainbow flags everywhere. I think it's right by china town.)

Anyway, Mr. Osthimer was flying his super fighter jet to the gay side of town faster than the speed of light when all of the sudden BOGIES ON HIS SIX (that's army talk for enemy planes right behind him) it was obviously the gay armada guarding the gay motherland. Mr. Osthimer tried to shoot the enemy planes down but there were just too many of them. He decided to go down fighting. He shot missile after missile at the ground, in a desperate attempt to hold off the gay invasion. No matter how many missiles he fired he never ran out of ammo, and there's a simple explanation for this. God loved him. Eventually his plane took all the damage it could handle and crashed to the ground.

Mr. Osthimer died doing what he loved, screaming the lyrics to Freebird while trying to destroy everything and everyone he hated. It is for this reason that we honor him on this day every year for his rampage against the gays.

GOD BLESS MR. OSTHIMER.

stunted prose #1

2007-06-14T22:29:05Z

I am debating

whether or not I should eat

and it's a fight I can't win

because I am getting progressively hungrier

Sexy 64 - All Guys Gaming League

2007-06-01T01:01:46Z

Guys play video games too!

FACT

2007-05-20T03:08:25Z

food cooked in a gas oven doesn't have that strange electric taste

A woman's place is at the kitchen table...

2007-04-28T17:35:33Z

...it's not at the poker table

willie nelson

2007-04-07T19:55:12Z

Red Wells Roast Beef

2007-03-31T19:24:00Z

Red Wells is a restaurant on Sylvania, near the five point intersection.

It's a cafeteria style restaurant, kind of like Rudy's, except Red Wells only sells roast beef.

Their roast beef sandwich is pretty good, although it's kind of cheap. Their chili is excellent. The apple pie is good.

The mash potatoes are mediocre. Don't get those.

Everything is really unhealthy. They don't have much variety in their menu.

The atmosphere is really great. It's a quiet, clean place with good decoration.

It'd be a good place to hide out.

spring cleaning

2007-03-31T01:40:39Z

If anyone's had a strange desire to hang out in my bedroom, now is the time, because it's as dust and dog hair free as it's going to be for a long time.

Also I've got a lot of extra stuff I'm going to throw out unless someone wants to take any of it. I'm not going to list anything so you'll use your imagination as to what mysterious wonders of the universe I have in my possession.

Also is it just me or are my sentences getting less coherent lately? It seems like they're too wordy and are plod to read through.

Wait a minute...

2007-03-30T12:56:41Z

I've seen that canteen somewhere before!

Mojo Alert

2007-03-27T14:43:10Z

I just thought I should warn everyone there's bad mojo in the air today. Three things I've tried have all gone wrong for no reason, and it's not even eleven yet. First I tried to make tea and accidentally destroyed one of our valuable antique pots by turning on the wrong burner, then I tried to talk to Bask and she made some excuse before I could ask her anything important, then I tried ask my mom if I could borrow her car, and she told me her car isn't even here.

The ghost of Edward Murphy is back for revenge. I was gonna go out and see if I could find a belt and shoes to match my new pants, but now I'm not gonna risk it. Today is not a day to be ambitious.

Say I'm your mama!

2007-03-16T19:29:03Z

Say it! Say I'm your mama!

Yeah, that's right.

That's the way mama likes it...

why is this guy always talking about food what is wrong with him?

2007-03-04T19:56:24Z

I would kill for a burger right now. Not some cheap fast food one. A real burger from a sit down restaurant. Grilled black with a fresh bun. A big bun, not sogged down with grease.

And cheese. I need cheese. I don't know what kind of cheese I want. I think sharp cheddar would be best, or maybe American. Throw some bacon on that. With fresh pickles and tomatoes and lettuce and onions.

And condiments. I love ketchup and mustard and hot sauce, and a bit of mayonnaise. And I've got this new HP sauce I've been meaning to try out. A friend shipped it over straight from the UK. It's like steak sauce, only less tangy and more flavorful.

And fries. Can't forget the fries.

this is what I create when I am left alone for too long

2007-02-25T00:10:13Z

so my parents are going out of town next week.

2007-02-24T20:55:35Z

leaving this sunday night and coming back friday night.

that's five days.

I'll have classes for four of them.

Fun.