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2007 July 07

04:26 pm - I am changing my name to monsieur sexy
Taken a few nights ago.


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2007 July 03

01:43 pm - Mr. Osthimer Adventures Part: 4
Mr. Osthimer had just been released from jail for the jillionth time. He was tired of this. He was tired of get arrested all the time for no good reason. Mr. Osthimer was a young African-American and all the cops in town were white. To him it was obvious why they kept sending him to jail. They were all gays. It was the damn gays, always out to get him.

Jeff "Lesbian Gimp" Osthimer was now sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that the gay mafia was out to get him. He knew it was only a matter of time before they put a hit on him so Mr. Osthimer acted fast. He saw a cop on a motorcycle stopped at a red light so he ran over and knocked the cop right to the ground. Mr. Osthimer demanded to know what the cop's connections to the gay mafia were. Apparently cops don't like it when you do that because pretty soon a bunch of other cops showed up and started shooting at Mr. Osthimer. Mr. Osthimer knew he had to get out of there fast, so he jumped on the police motorcycle (the one he knocked the cop off of) and sped off.

Obviously this conspiracy was BIG. The gays controlled the police and probably the entire world. Mr. Osthimer knew he had to do something drastic to stop this, so he rode his motorcycle to the airport. Along the way a bunch of cop cars chased him and tried to knock him off the road but he evaded them with ease.

There were a bunch of airplanes at the airport, but they were all too sissy looking for a bad ass like Mr. Osthimer to make his last stand in, so he stole a helicopter and flew over to the nearby naval base where an aircraft carrier was docked. He landed on the air craft carrier but to his surprise instead of the gay mafia, the gay FBI was there waiting for him! Mr. Osthimer took them all out with his ak-47 before he saw the object he came there for: A military fighter jet.

Mr. Osthimer climbed into the fighter jet and took off. He had no problems figuring out how to fly it even though the instructions were only on the screen for like half a second. He took off at super sonic speed and headed off toward the gay side of town. (You know what I'm talking about. It's that neighbor hood where all the buildings are purple and there's rainbow flags everywhere. I think it's right by china town.)

Anyway, Mr. Osthimer was flying his super fighter jet to the gay side of town faster than the speed of light when all of the sudden BOGIES ON HIS SIX (that's army talk for enemy planes right behind him) it was obviously the gay armada guarding the gay motherland. Mr. Osthimer tried to shoot the enemy planes down but there were just too many of them. He decided to go down fighting. He shot missile after missile at the ground, in a desperate attempt to hold off the gay invasion. No matter how many missiles he fired he never ran out of ammo, and there's a simple explanation for this. God loved him. Eventually his plane took all the damage it could handle and crashed to the ground.

Mr. Osthimer died doing what he loved, screaming the lyrics to Freebird while trying to destroy everything and everyone he hated. It is for this reason that we honor him on this day every year for his rampage against the gays.


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2007 June 14

06:28 pm - stunted prose #1
I am debating

whether or not I should eat

and it's a fight I can't win

because I am getting progressively hungrier

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2007 May 31

08:58 pm - Sexy 64 - All Guys Gaming League

Guys play video games too!

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2007 May 19

11:05 pm - FACT
food cooked in a gas oven doesn't have that strange electric taste

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2007 April 28

01:33 pm - A woman's place is at the kitchen table...
myself, april 28, 2007
...it's not at the poker table

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2007 April 07

03:52 pm - willie nelson
willie nelson on the colbert report

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2007 March 31

03:06 pm - Red Wells Roast Beef
Red Wells is a restaurant on Sylvania, near the five point intersection.

It's a cafeteria style restaurant, kind of like Rudy's, except Red Wells only sells roast beef.

Red Wells Roast Beef

Their roast beef sandwich is pretty good, although it's kind of cheap. Their chili is excellent. The apple pie is good.

The mash potatoes are mediocre. Don't get those.

Red Wells Roast Beef

Everything is really unhealthy. They don't have much variety in their menu.

The atmosphere is really great. It's a quiet, clean place with good decoration.

Red Wells Roast Beef

It'd be a good place to hide out.

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2007 March 30

09:34 pm - spring cleaning
If anyone's had a strange desire to hang out in my bedroom, now is the time, because it's as dust and dog hair free as it's going to be for a long time.

Also I've got a lot of extra stuff I'm going to throw out unless someone wants to take any of it. I'm not going to list anything so you'll use your imagination as to what mysterious wonders of the universe I have in my possession.

Also is it just me or are my sentences getting less coherent lately? It seems like they're too wordy and are plod to read through.

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08:50 am - Wait a minute...
I've seen that canteen somewhere before!

LOST's Hurley with the knife in his canteen. From the episode 'Further Instructions.'

Me from my self-published wilderness survival guide, 'Keeping It REAL... In The WILD.'

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